From Jubilation to despair – achieving a huge dream killed by a submicroscopic virus.
First and foremost, I would like to express my condolences to those who have lost people close to them due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
The British University Cross Country Championships (BUCS XC) 2020 held at Holyrood Park in Edinburgh, the one race on the XC calendar that I was aiming to peak for in the season – Not only because of the intense rivalry between Loughborough University and St. Mary’s University, but because I knew there was an outside chance of qualifying for my first international race representing Great Britain. Having placed 10th in 2019, I knew it was attainable to be a part of the six-man team heading to Marrakech for the World University Cross Country Championships (WUCS) in March 2020. This, alongside being captain of the Loughborough University men’s XC team was sufficient reason to put my heart and sole in training throughout the Winter months leading to the event.
The big day arrived. The atmosphere at BUCS is like no other event, especially when you have rival Universities shouting abuse down your throat from metres away; I love it. A lot of people know me as a bit of a wind up merchant and I seemed to have got into a few people’s heads through social media prior to the race, which put even more pressure on me to perform well, alongside hoping and praying that the team dominate on the day too. I seem to thrive more when the pressure is on in all aspects of life, and I felt this on the day when the more nervous I got watching all the other races take place, the more confident I became. But I had to keep reminding myself that BUCS is absolute carnage in the first mile, athletes going off all guns blazing trying to get a decent spot at the front of the pack or more likely an awesome picture ‘for the gram’.
I chose to adopt the set off steady and work your way through the pack tactic, which tends to work for me pretty well, and I knew I had done the right thing when after the first mile I looked to my right and saw Jayme Rossiter on my shoulder, arguably the best athlete I know for pacing himself correctly. Initially close to 70th position we both worked together (a common thread in a lot of races) picking off runners for fun until we found ourselves comfortably in the top 20 with the top 10 in sight. Jay went on to gap me (eventually placing an amazing 3rd) but working off his outstanding run I also found myself scalping some big names in the sport including Andy Heyes. In the last section of the race I managed to work my way past a couple more runners and just pipping Jack Leicht in a sprint finish I placed 11th, which I was elated with.
Knowing that some athletes ahead of me were not of British nationality and too old to qualify for the WUCS I thought I had a slight chance of getting the big call, but deep down knew it was maybe too optimistic. The day went on celebrating Loughborough winning gold medals in 3 out of the 4 team events and a bronze in the 4th. Minds then turned to the infamous big night out post BUCS. I was sharing a room with my girlfriend in the hotel; we ordered a Chinese and quickly headed over to the supermarket to get some beverages whilst the food was on its way. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and saw it was an unknown number, so I presumed it was the Chinese to let us know something about the order – however it was one of the selectors for the GB team! I could not believe it, barely being able to utter any words I answered his question ‘are you still available to represent Great Britain at the World University Cross Country Championships’ with ‘eermm, ABSOLUTELEY’. I do not think I have ever felt so proud and happy, in fact writing this is bringing back some of the tears of joy and emotion I felt in the moment. I will never forget it.
Fast forward a month with the COVID-19 pandemic starting to send the world into chaos, I started to feel anxious that the opportunity of a lifetime was going to be stolen from me. Nervously checking my emails every few hours, we had constant updates that the event was still going ahead, however I always had a seed of doubt in my mind and did not want to keep my hopes up. I was in the living room of my girlfriends flat in Canterbury when I received the dreaded email saying that the event had been cancelled and I was no longer going to be representing my nation on the world stage. I do not think I said a word to anyone for well over an hour and did well not to shed more than a couple of tears. I was absolutely gutted, especially having received all the kit, the suitcase and everything booked ready to go. Despair was the main emotion, I kept thinking that this was the only opportunity I would ever have to represent Great Britain in my life.
But as of today, my mindset has completely switched. On reflection, I never dreamed of being at a level to even be able to compete for a place in an international event and people forget (even I forget) that I am still only 23 years of age, so I have plenty of opportunities in the future to grab another place in a GB vest. I am still improving; the lockdown giving me ample opportunity to work on my major weakness (aerobic strength) and I now how a resurgence of hope and determination that I can do it again.
Finally, I would just like to remind everyone, particularly young athletes that with perseverance and commitment you can achieve your goals. Look at my power of 10, ages 14-18 I never broke the top 100 of any national cross-country events. Now I am cracking the top ten and improving on it year by year as well as representing the North of England and England in international races across Europe. Thank you for giving my rollercoaster story a read and keep up the training!!!